I've been toying with a phrase for the past couple weeks. Something of a "melancholic relief" has settled on me. I've been really struggling with several major pieces of who I am since the year began. Several things in my life have changed and several more are yet to change.
I've come to some important conclusions in the past couple weeks. These decisions are pulling me into a place of sadness for the loss of what was, but also a peace because decisions that haven't been easy are finally being made in a way that I know is best for me and my family.
Change is good, right? Everyone says that, but when the change requires a complete rearrangement of priorities and even things you have believed your whole life... well, it just makes the change all the more difficult to deal with - even when you know it's a necessary step in the journey to become who you are supposed to be.
So, it's melancholy. I look at what I'm losing, knowing I may never have it again - at least not in the same way. But it's relief. It's best for me and my immediate family. It's necessary. It's part of who I am inside and who I need to become. And as sad and scary as it is, I know it's right.
They barely knew each other, even after watching each other from afar for years.
And now, he studied her. Up close. Personal. From only inches away. One day, by chance, had brought them here.
His eyes detailed the memory he'd replay later - and for years to come. Her cheeks, flushed from the chill of the air and something else - something infinitely more permanent. Her hair, softly silhouetted in the glow of the streetlight behind her. Her lashes brightly glistening in errant flakes of snow.
"When I look at you, I see forever."
He watched his whispered words wrap around her, his warm breath causing a shivered smile to tease her face and his heart, embracing them both in eternity.
He pulled her close and touched his lips to hers. In one second, he knew his life was held inside this day.
The drops shatter silence,
and maybe even glass,
pounding against the pane.
As she walks,
unhurried as it falls,
in puddle-soaked glistening soles.
and trickle away
from the patterns relieved by her heels.
And somewhere amidst
the myriad drops,
one solitary tear gains weight.
I think too much. It's my fatal flaw. That also means I talk too much. Welcome to my world. My family includes me, Hubby, Little Man, Baby Girl, and Psycho Cat. I spend my days caring for them and fighting with myself, trying to figure out who I really am.