Missing

Days skew as eternity ensues

Time and distance brutal

Wearing and weathering

Slowly forgetting...

Is it just me?  Where are you?

My mind spins as chaos begins

Thoughts and fears tyrannical 

Sighing and slipping

Tirelessly dwelling...

I think I'll be ok; will you?

Hit the Reset Button

Rarely does life give you a chance to reset.  Generally, it's not a matter of giving the past mistakes and drama the boot and starting over.  Those things follow you... everywhere.  They overshadow all future decisions and affect all your other interactions.

Not that this is a negative thing.  We learn from our choices.  The consequences of those decisions should serve as reminders to us not to fall in the same snares again.  We are who we are because of the experiences we have walked through.  Change just ONE thing in my life, and I wouldn't be who I am today.  Wisdom and knowledge gained from those indiscretions is invaluable.

But once in a while, we need the chance for the "Game Over" screen to appear in front of us -- the one that asks if we want to quit or continue.  We make our choice in a situation to either:

• QUIT and walk away from something -- to just give up and decide there's nothing worth salvaging in this particular game, OR
• CONTINUE -- to start over with the same game, the same players, the same situations -- but with a reset.  We get to go back to the "defaults," the place where our errors in judgment and the things that caused us to lose the first time around are essentially erased.  We get to try the scenario again, but this time as a player who's got knowledge of the territory having been there before, and having gained wisdom from our previous "death."

This is not a common opportunity in life.  Not everyone even has this offered to them.  But this is the weekend that I was given a reset button.  I'm starting over with the "continue" option, resetting with the same game -- and hopefully the pain and loss from the "first time around" will cause me to make better plays this time.  I'm starting with a full heart, full strength, and full energy.

Anyone wanna reset with me?

Shouting to the Darkness

Glimmers of hope reflect from the moon

Twilight fades into gossamer gloom

Like stillness she breezes....

In silvery shadows lurk glimpses of you

Memories dissolve in time's rippled view

Tearing calls....

Chasing illusions, I falter to catch

As fiery flickers escape my grasp

Release bittersweet....

While fantasies shimmer like stars in the sky

And wane like the moon in solitary slide

The echoes of silence are all that remain....

Post 100

This is officially my 100th post.  I feel like I should do something significant here, but really, I got nothin'.  The fact that I'm even writing a 100th post is frankly, pretty impressive to me.  I don't believe that I've stuck with any journal or writing project long enough to get to a 100th anything.  My attention span just isn't that long.

So to those of you out there, still reading my blog, thanks.  Sorry my 100th post isn't incredibly profound or awesome.  But thanks for sticking with me through the ups and downs and the craziness that is my life.

Here's to more poetry and passion to come (a little less pain would be preferred).

Sensing the Mystery

I see you~

   Gifting me graciously

      with diamond-studded snow drifts

         and crystal-covered branches

      with endless bouquets

         of carefully-cultivated roses

         and wildly sprawling violets

      with softly glistening moon-lit pools

         and fireflies sparkled dance

   In ribbons of romance

      of sunlight fading

      of raindrops prisming

      of multi-colored images of You

         faces of purest beauty

         incarnations of Love

I hear you~

   Whispering words

      dancing on dreams

      giggling with grace

         through childhood bliss

         escaping their lips

   Spoken through scripts

      of traditional teachings

      of fictional fantasy

      of mystical melody

      of lilting lyrical longing

I smell you~

   In antique earthy aromas

      the ground breaking in spring

      the fresh-cut grass

      spicy snaps of autumn leaves

      smoky wood-burned wonder

I taste you~

   The sweet seduction

      of salted sweat

   The burning agony

      of bitter wine

   The deep fullness

      of dark coffee

         light

I feel you~

   In blissful breezes breathing

      with teasing tickles

         like fingers in my hair

   In sunlight's warm embrace

      softly caressing kisses

         the thrill of lover's touch

I love you~

   for this longing to know

   to feel understood

   to dwell in the question

the sweet mystery of You

Wordless Intercession

 (For my band)

Cares carried heavenward
   from fretting fingers ~
 the empathic prayers 
        on wordless 
    whispers

Never regretting
Nor wanting
    forgetting

Chorded cadence from
Mesmerized muse

Notes
     tripping
  lightly

Your soul is incarnated
     once
   in the melody
Your spirit caressing
     the perfect pitch
   harmony

The heartbeat of heaven
 falls 
  faithfully lost
   in the rhythm

Of requests
     unspoken
   unsung aloud
I cannot stand

      Alone.

But your strings~
They pull me~
   from the unworthiness to love
   from the unholiness to peace

They carry me 

 deep

  inside

   the pleading
        heart

To find
  the answers I seek~
  and, for those answers,
the questions I need

Resignation of the Muse

I was speaking the other night with a friend of mine who is also an artist (musician), and we were lamenting the fact that we've both been relatively uninspired artistically lately.  This happens to every artist, but we decided that our vindictive muses must have run off somewhere....  We sure hope they're coming back, but after the "postcard" below that I received this morning, it's hard to say.  If you happen to run into them, tell them to come home:

Postcard from Rio

Dear Nean~

Jack and I have eloped.  We're sitting on the beach, drinking Mai~Tai's and laughing at the thought of you and Tristan, floundering to function without us.  We're tired of the abuse, of being expected to constantly produce perfect performances and we've had enough.  Beautiful clear blue caresses and silky silvery sand, accented with fiery forbidden fantasy ~ it's enough to keep us here forever.  Inspiring one another is far more fascinating than the unrequited inspiration we're shackled to with you.  I'd say "I wish you were here" but we both know that's not true.  Maybe you should start looking for a new muse.  I don't think I'm giving Jack back to you.

Sincerely, 

~"Rio"