The Nature of Romance

I've been spending a lot of time pondering romance of late.  What makes romance?  Why does it seem the longer a relationship progresses, the more intentional romance has to be to keep it going?

I'm thinking it has to do with the nature of romance and attraction.  We start a relationship by "falling in love" with someone, or at the very least, feeling strongly attracted to them.  Everything is new and fresh... a surprise.  It's all a "first", which is exciting because it's different than what you've known before -- no matter how many first kisses one has, each one is different.  A simple touch can be charged with electric when it's something you haven't felt before.

Then we grow in love and get comfortable with one another.  There aren't as many surprises or as many "firsts".  Romance has to be fostered.  Being surprised can still happen after years together, but you have to look harder at the details around you to notice the wonder and surprise in the small things, the things that get lost amid the chaos of hectic lives: the smell of the soul, the laughter in the eyes, the taste of the lips.

My husband and I have been together 13 years, and I just found out tonight that he thinks one of the most romantic things I do is sit in the kitchen and talk to him when he's cooking or doing dishes or whatever.  I, on the other hand, find it annoying when someone hovers in my way while I'm trying to work.  For me, give me a good tv show and hold me close while we watch it or a walk hand in hand through the snow.  Romance is different for each person, and knowing how to romance the person you love is the first step in keeping the passion alive.

So here's a little poem I wrote to capture a tiny bit of the romance.  

Fall Rain
    for Jeff
   You smell of fall and taste like rain
   the last leaves descend to drown in crystal pools
   the hint of smoked wood dances on damp air
   the ice-cold drops trickle down on me.

   You smell of fall and taste like rain
   the spicy-ginger snaps of icy breeze
   the sweetly-bitter brew of rich coffee
   the old wool sweater pulled tightly 'round me.

   You smell of fall and taste like rain.


Vicky B said...

Wow. This is beautiful.

And you're right, romance does change over the years. The wonder of the "first's" wears off, but the spark is always there, just beneath the surface, waiting to come out and surprise you with little things.

The trick is, never take love for granted. Or each other.

kj said...

Gotta agree with Vicky B...never take each other (or love) for granted. Pay attention to it, and love will last and last and last. At 32 and a half years, it's different than the early fireworks but still just as sweet.
btw...Love your imagery.