Written on my Heart

Etched for time
  your name resides
Where it's always been
  deep inside

The life blood beats
  beneath your name
Every pulse
  your love contains

Nothing on earth
  could ever erase
the lovely word
  my heart embraced

Souls are tied
  in solemn vows
This one to yours
  as God allows


This is a different sort of post today. If you pray, this is a request for you to carry me and my family in your heart.

I've never known my mother's father. He died in a farming accident when she was a teenager. So I never had a grandfather on her side of the family. I never really felt I was missing out though. I had my Paw-Paw on my dad's side of the family (at least until I lost him when I was in high school).

In addition, my mother's family is huge. She is the second youngest sibling and when we were little, we lived near her oldest sister, and because of many circumstances, she and her husband became much like grandparents to me.

So... Uncle Ken is the closest thing to a grandfather on my mom's side of the family. Have I ever told him this? I have no idea. Sometimes it's important to tell people these things, and sometimes it's important to just know it.

Anyway, I could ramble on for a while just tripping down memory lane, but the point is this: Uncle Ken is sick. He's been in the hospital for a couple weeks now.  They've gone back and forth about what's wrong with him and it seems they're not entirely sure.  He was doing better, then worse, then better... and now he's taken a turn for the worse. 

I don't know what's happening... but I know this:  I love him and it hurts.



It's burning inside
 like it does
An intense desire
 to write.  

Like there's something in there
 to be released,
 just waiting
 for my permission.  

I think I'd like to now.  
Release it.  

It seems
 to both me
 and to it
 to keep it
 I'm not sure
 what it is.  

 doesn't want
 to write itself today;
 it's determined
 to make me
 do the tough
 of pulling
 it forth


Sacred Silence

I talk too much
this much I know

which means
I usually forget
to listen

to the beauty 
of the silence
and knowing you're there
beside me
to hold me

to the words you speak
without a voice
the look
the touch
the yearning

to know you're with me
no matter where
you surround me here

You, whom I love
remind me sometimes
of the intoxication
of the sacred silence
between us

Cool in Love

You wanna know one of the coolest things that I love to see?  Love in action.  

Tell me you haven't watched an elderly couple walk down the street hand in hand, leaning on their walkers...  He's still old-fashioned enough to open a door for her and she's still old-fashioned enough to let him.  They sit in the nursing home together and just stare into one another's eyes because it's all they have energy left to do... but the stories in those glances could blow you away.  

I'm not naive enough to truly think that every couple that I see like this has been together their whole lives, and in today's society particularly, it's quite possible, that these two veteran lovers may even be on a first date.  But...  it's more fun for me to believe they're still together after all those years.

It was sad to me that at my sister-in-law's wedding last summer, the couple that had been married the longest were my mother & father-in-law.  They were celebrating their 35th anniversary and that's spectacular; I agree...  But I remember as a kid going to 50th, 60th, 70th anniversary parties -- and even a 75th!

I wanna be one of those... I want you all to be there for my 25th & 50th anniversary party.  And hopefully, you'll all still be around for my 75th (because I don't want to think about any of you being gone)!  

Hubby and I just celebrated year 10 last summer... and we're about to hit 11.  There are days I think we're lucky to have made it this far, but we have just enough of a sense of humor and enough commitment and love to make it.  I can already stare in his eyes and see a million stories... and I know there are millions more to come.

Oh, one more thing, falling in love... it's even more fun the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time or more with your love!


The Time Has Not Come...

The time has not come
for the House to be built
as we focus on our needs
to cover our guilt

We eat, drink, and squander
and spend more than we earn
and live in glass houses
to prove we don't learn

As if nothing  else matters
we mourn petty losses
although we've neglected
the exorbitant cost

For we've lost all the glory
the Love we once made
then remembered we need it
even though it's too late

But the Spirit remains
although we're not ready
but with shaking and chaos
in time we'll be steady

The blessing will come
birthed in time-tested hearts
when we consider foundations
we've been chosen to start

(inspired by Haggai)

Knowing You

the best part of knowing you
is the slow deep smile
that crosses my lips 
when I stop a minute
   from seeing your face
   from hearing your voice
knowing you hear
far more than I say
knowing you know
far more than I tell
   from companionable sighs
   from understanding eyes
knowing I'm special 
and important to you
elementary as that is
you're the best part
   from having you care
   from knowing you're there


Chocolate Mint Martini

Friendly banter
In echoes grant her
Familiar tunes
drifting under the moon

Buy a drink and then linger
Lick syrup from my fingers
Savor every last drop...
Nothing wasted, don't stop

Dancing souls ascend
In an intimate blend
A step beyond comfort
A step toward more effort

Clock strikes ten
Peaceful cloud descends
Stilled solace caresses
Lost in what's blessed

Loud laughter releases
As volume increases
If he'd get the joke
I'd share in your smoke

Sweet ending to day
Knowing life is okay
No need to define
Just knowing you're mine



Seconds are minutes 
and hours and days 
  and weeks 
    and months 
      and years...

Without you interminable
Within you bliss

A day is a thousand years
A century a day
The months are racing
Days are dragging

Discovering lives past
Remembering those to come

Crossing paths 
in twisting time
The past becomes tomorrow

And to hold you here
to drift in time
a single moment waits


Fire Inside

Terrifying force 
embedded within
A holy fear contained
Desiring release

Destruction brings
deathly proof 
I'm still alive somehow
To burn and mark
Forever change
the world I know I love

Someday it will
consume my all
erupt and then devour

It's frightening
In the logical way
But arousal for my soul

For nothing will stand
That shouldn't be
And nothing will bend
That can't

Love is death
Death is love
Life is death and love

No words describe
this burning pain
in a longing flame
Which spreads 
to overtake and hold the world

There's no escape
and no release
from the fire in my soul

(Inspired by scripture and song)


Forgive me...
... my weakness
... my instability
... my need to know
... my insecurity
... my misunderstanding
... my need to run
... my curiosity
... my inappropriateness
... my uncertainty
... my vulnerability
... my invulnerability

Teach me
... how to rest in security in your arms
... how to know truth without needing answers
... how to love like you desire
... how to just be


Written in the Stars

I want to write
your name
in the stars
next to mine

For random travelers to see

Like the North Star
to ships of old
it will guide our souls
through all of time

So my future self and yours will meet

As love continues 
this eternal search
Halves to wholeness
cross and merge



Dancing in love
Bowing in submission
Never narcissistic
(the embodiment of evil)

Knowing one is equal
To the others

Loving is giving
Never in self-gain
It's more than what we do
It's found in who we are


Dreaming of Daisies

On days like this

I could conquer the world

Seeing all of our lives enmeshed

Walking hand in hand in hand…

Awaiting a fantastic reality

   Lasting in love

   Trusting in truth

   Founded in faith

   Persisting in peace

   Journeying in joy

   Lingering in loyalty

The visions attainable

within my head

Just beyond grasp if I

   Reach farther

   Try harder

   Push deeper

   Live longer

Somehow we’ll make it

Seeing the end

As it was intended

Despite our






Some days I just sit here

Showered in grace

Inspired by Trinity

Awaiting the birthing

Of all that remains

   Lost within

   Trapped alone

   Forgotten unlearned

Someday we’ll live here

But today is for




What is yet to be held

Of the garden

   That was

   That is

   That will be to come



sun-kissed toes 
in glittering gloss
dancing with daffodils
massaged by the moss

slapping hot pavement 
with calloused soles
tickling the tendrils
in green grassy knolls

a celebration of summer
before end of spring
a small glimpse of freedom
just one step will bring


30 Pieces of Silver

My heart is shattered
Tiny silver slivers

A piece for you
A piece from me
And then to give to someone new

Giving them back to me is useless
They are tiny little shards
And they cut too deep

The intent was for you to keep
It anyway...

So these minute missives
In tarnished grey
Scattered with lost love

Spelled out your name
Broken on the ground
Beneath your swaying form

The Curtain Descends

  (for the Calypso Stage)

I can't watch anymore but I'm always here
it's just... seeing you cuts my heart
The play continues for all of you
But I have lost my part

"Come talk to us," you taunt afar
But words I give
   ...unscripted and true
You turn to knives
Twisted under my skin

It was never that I ceased to speak
I countered every line...
It was more the staging that I missed
And usually said too much

I trusted you and called you friends
And this is where it ends.

I wanted 
   to know you
   to love you
   to be you

But I've reread the script 
   and taken my cue
Seen the plot resolved

I'm still back here
   alone in the wings
Awaiting your grand entrance

But I guard myself...
   my love...
   my words...
I took a part not meant for me

Your applause 
   was shallow 
      at best

So I gave you your show
Spent my time in the lights
I'll leave the encore to you...

I make my bow, and sweep the house
And finally leave the stage.



Maybe it's the old sweatshirt
 worn and ripped
 pulled from closet depths
 on laundry day
 when nothing's clean

Maybe it's the ponytail
 pulling my hair up
 off of my neck

Maybe it's the bag
 tossed over my shoulder
 filled with pens and papers
 and the pieces of my life

Maybe it's the fresh-cut grass
 that fills the air with promise
 heading into eventful evenings

Maybe it's the semi-chill
 of early spring's embrace
 the no longer cold
 but not yet warmth
 budding in the air

Maybe it's the light
 with which you see me
 and hold me by your side
 making me feel this way again
 so young, so carefree, in love.


Morning Vigil (Escaping the Darkness)

In the early morning hours
before the sun awakes
before dew lifts
as dawn ascends
comes the call...


My heart skips a beat
Is that really you?
I'd assumed I'd be alone
in early darkness...


It echoes in my empty soul
Chasing the chills inside
Breath escapes my lips
from night's captivity
at the sound of your voice...


Could there be a more beautiful name?
Could there be a sweeter word?
In near disbelief,
my voice falters
but your eyes beckon
pleading that I come to you...


Reflecting the light I see in your eyes
This joyous discovery engulfs me
This unexpected torrent of hope
I fall in your arms and whisper reply...

"Yes, Love?"



Grasping at dreams, I grumble and groan
As daylight smacks my eyelids
I long to linger in lazy allure

I feel you move beside me
as you warm my ear with breath
Your fingertips and lips tease
Through fading flannel fabric

Surrendering sighs submit
to waking in your arms
Ripped from rest to reality

With promises of passion
To make it worth my while



They told her she's lucky
To thank God; she's blessed
  But she's lonely and scared
  Not a single soul cares
She's on her own now
But no one would guess

She won't be like her
That vow she'll keep
  This life now inside
  Wanting to hide
Many nights wishing
She'd die in her sleep

The years of the fighting
Were better than this
  The curses and screams
  Meant more than it seemed
For long before apathy
Pained anger was bliss

Caught in this cycle
Of neglected torment
  Head in her hands
  She can't understand
This choice of a "life"
Better left unspent

She swears to do better
Choosing what it means
  Her name is called
  So she travels the hall
Her choice is solid
She'll silence her screams

I Wanna...

I wanna live the stuff of dreams
The dance of sweet romance
I wanna feel electric currents
The popping embers in soul's trance
I wanna see you across a crowded room
The spark of intrigue lighting your eyes
I wanna know I'm your obsession
The reason you can't sleep at night
I wanna be your muse
The passion of your art
I wanna forget reality for a little while
And rest beside your heart
I wanna go somewhere far from here
And fall in love again

The Point

   (for Eb ~ who is beautiful)

She looks at me with tears in dark eyes
Thinking I can't see her heart
I can.

She wants to go
From pointless life
She thinks there's nothing here
There is.

     It's this:
       Be innocent ~ a child in Daddy's lap
       Be art ~ images of Grace and Mercy
       Be incarnate ~ representation of Love and Beauty
       Be creative ~ painter of Glory and Awe
       Be observant ~ a student of Life
       Be fulfilled ~ the lover of Christ

She fights the "impossible"
And she's tired of the struggle
She doesn't know how
To be all of those things
It's simple.

Just BE the beautiful woman you were created to be.
You are. 


Surrounded by Clouds

Voices echo...
   ... through time and space
   ... across miles and years
   ... over eternity

Eyes observe...
   ... the things I consider but never follow through
   ... the expressions I make when no one is watching
   ... the pages I write for no one to read

Ears listen...
   ... to thoughts unspoken
   ... to songs unsung
   ... to muffled cries
   ... to stifled laughs

Arms encircle...
   ... protecting
   ... soothing
   ... helping

   ... of the inner me





Take a second.




Some days I feel 


Like nothing I say
     or do 
         will matter

(I think it's my biggest fear)

That when I'm gone
     And this life is over
I'll fade 
               to oblivion

Where nothing matters
And no one really cares
Or even remembers me
Or notices I'm gone

With no lasting changes

I'm not afraid to die
I just want to be 

I just wanna be 




Days skew as eternity ensues
Time and distance brutal
Wearing and weathering
Slowly forgetting...

Is it just me?  Where are you?

My mind spins as chaos begins
Thoughts and fears tyrannical 
Sighing and slipping
Tirelessly dwelling...

I think I'll be ok; will you?