True Friends

   (for my BFF)

The smile that captured me
and the easy laughter we shared
while creating wispy worlds
and planning pandemonium
or crafting chaos over coffee

We've lost those days
to grown up worries
and family concerns
-- the balancing act
of being both lovers 
and parents at once
lost sometimes 
from one another
in our own worlds of 

I love you still
and I'm always here
I carry you in my heart
Your pain is mine
even when we're 

I only wish I knew
what words to say
or what to do
and for not being there
when you need me


Liquid Rainbows

deep purple twilight
swirls in drops
of minted chocolate
childhood innocence

lost tonight as colors fade
from creamy butter yellow
and blood cherry-red
to shades of infinite grey

making love to
the scarlet russian
chased to bed by
scottish gold

waking in the arms
of the dark black columbian
and basking in the glow
of iced white honey



Supremely divine
Perfectly misunderstood

Descended from Love 
unhindered by contracts
unbound by human restraints
unfettered by laws needed to protect

Breaking the rules

Waiting in silence
Biding time
Seeking the garden
Before the tree

Where love was fractured
to jealousy
to lust
to chaos

Can we find love
in a way that will matter?

far beyond standards 
introduced by the fruit
followed by legalism
layered  by expectations

can love be incarnate
exist with question
resist definition

Love in a box
is not love at all

Love is incarnate
simply pure
a sacrificing of oneself
the feeling, touching, holding arms
of a passionate God

Love is incarnate
protectively bold
a creation of another
the conception of more
than our human minds conceive



There's something sweet
in the simple gift
of the moss green 
long sweater
worn for a while 
by a friend of a friend
someone I hardly know
and yet...

This sweater holds
the memories of her
and the cares she held
as it held her
in those moments

Now it holds me
with long soft arms
warm and gentle
clinging to me
with comforting favor

Casting stark silhouette
to hug where I need it
left free when I don't
and it holds me together
when I come undone






with hints 
           of grace

it builds 
to moments 
where clouds burst
and rushing commences

the downpour
makes seeing beyond
my newly drenched self
utterly and solely impossible

the deluge breaks
and I'm swept away
beyond my ability to stop
lost in the waves of the whirling
riding in rapids I cannot navigate
never alone but constantly surrounded
by overwhelming crashing eddies
consuming my capabilities
drowning all desire
to escape this
intensity of



Personal Bartender

   (for my big brother, Rob)

Gentle voice commands
the order exact
eyes twinkling
lips curled in boyish smile

His strength takes
whatever I dish
as crying I pelt him
with fists too weak

My face rains
as his touch so gentle
pushes back my hair
and wipes the drops away

My voice trips itself
in its rush to explain
but he offers a hand
to assure I'm okay

he'll share a drink
or the experience I need
but he mostly just listens
and in silence, holds me



I try
        too hard
to hold perfection

grasping so tightly
my fingers bleed
white from pressure
ever weakened

slipping slowly
falling from me
expectations elusive...

pressing back
        trying to regain
that which I feel I've lost


it's mostly just control
despite the truth I know
that perfection is right here



It starts with
  a spark
  a smolder
  a circus under her skin

It grows to
  a flicker
  a fall-out
  a flower fractured in the wind

It floods deep
  a dawning
  a drama
  a daring hitch on a whim

It consumes her
  the nature
  the nuance
  the necessity of him

Death to the Muse

Words tumbel
loss in teh miss-spells

the write words
in right phrases

a comma, here,
a Capitol Their

here the word you want
swallow you're pride

someday you'll be a righter
butt for now my I and hart will bleed

"I'm almost finish with a novel I've been righting for three years now. I finished a hole chapter last night... One more chapter and its done. WAHOO!" (~an actual quote from a facebook friend... LOVE him, but no way am I going near that novel with a TEN-FOOT red pen!)


Images of God

(for Chesong, Alexander,
Lily, & Abigail,
the beautiful children
whose faces & names
are reflections of God)

From chocolate skin and coffee eyes
her mercy shines in grace
offering me smiles
and enthusiastic waves

His broken words, su corazón
exudes protective love
his friendship given freely
sensitivity is strength enough

Pale, blue eyes and platinum hair
lily skin exotically pure
sweetly innocent yet
but utterly self-assured

Beautiful eyes shaped like smiles
filled with laughter and joy
hidden under jet black hair
her tranquility undestroyed



Three to one and one to three
the circle's end neglects to be
Trapped in timeless silvery gleam
Multiple reasons for concentric rings
Signifies seemingly meaningless things
With trusted light in moonless beam
Waiting for stars under life's holy tree
As one, reaching for eternity


Date Night

skies lit with fire 
 as day descends
on patriotic duty 
 and domestic necessity

in zen-like state of melancholy
 deliberately manipulating
each item's place within
 somnambulatory sighs

the air smells of summer 
 while words tastes of coffee
as conflicting conversations turn 
 to soaring through the air

infant rodent lives are saved
 while giggling over medals
the day is done for both of them
 as night is yet to come


Five Word Farewell

   skin dripping red
   every cut bled
   clock ticking pain
   every second rains

this token...
   heart in flight
   of endless night
   a single scream
   of unlived dreams

   arrogant crisis
   prayers to Isis
   weak in will
   prayers selfish still

this token...
   with every slice
   your anguish enticed
   hell circles nine
   your death becomes mine

   I don't have the cure
   the choice is yours
   you're never alone
   but my heart is done



   (contemplating the end)

reveling in the irrelevant
   revelation disregarded
eroding the end
   as escapist endeavor

pretending we're god, we garner paranoia

choosing confusion
   confounding the chaos
apocalyptic apologies
   and anarchist agendas

release today to timeless reality

future unfolding
   fearlessly flourishing
protecting our present
   purposefully preferring 

intuitive obscurity from obvious illusions

defining our death
   with destructive divorce
arrogance afforded
   among adolescence

chosen in rebellion by restless children


We need to live today as an "ongoing enduring reality", and stop wasting time pining for the end of it all.  Make the most of the life you've been given.  Regardless of appearances, the kingdom of God CANNOT be stopped and is in true reality already here.  Live in this ultimate reality -- the future is NOW.  Be an "outpost of heaven", a foretaste of the true reality as God intended. (Thanks, Jo Ann, for the reminder.)

And just for fun: "...all we have is now; all we've ever had is now..." ~Flaming Lips 

(Carpe Diem!)


Absolute Abandon

   for my man and his baby

her eyes glow when he smiles
directly at her

she gasps at his voice
cheeks straining to beam
releasing giggles of glee
as she climbs on his lap
flinging herself back to laugh
knowing he'd never let her fall

she tosses arms around him
with ticklish abandon
fingers tangling in his hair
nuzzling her face in his chest

she knows his smell
the sound of his heart
his breath on her forehead
as she bestows on his chest
innocent kisses of complete adoration

for the rest of her life
every man's touch will
be held against this
forever compared to this utter devotion
the special place she holds in his heart

as she'll always be
her daddy's girl


Watching You Sleep

Your warmth surrounds me
   with each breath
   encircling me in you
As the rhythm follows
   in silence spooned with you
Eyes flutter delicately
   betraying to me your dreams
   happily secure, beautifully complete
The rise of your chest
   beneath my hand
   binds me to your side
Forever is long
   but still I'm here
   holding you while you sleep

Standing on His Head

   (for my Little Man who's grown too fast)

There's little more important
   than these microscopic blips
And teasing giddy giggles 
   from innocent lips

Bounces on my bed jolt me awake
   at ungodly early hours of morning
But the scene shifts to sneaking in
   from ungodly hours of exhausted folly

Frustrated by his two-wheel bike
   Desperately straining to balance
Makes me want to hide the car keys
   Desperately straining to stall him

Endless babbles shatter silence
   spilling his random thoughts
Certain someday, I'll beg him to talk
   spilling his passionate dreams 

Macaroni necklaces made
   for world's most beautiful mommy
traded for gold and diamond
   for the world's most beautiful hand

His beautiful boyish words arranged
   teasing me with jokes and rhymes
rearranged for her someday
   teasing her with sweet syllables

This time goes too fast 
   and I wish I could slow it
But for now, I have little choice 
   but to cherish every moment



their love could follow moonstones
but hell existed always

in a world where souls hesitate
wiping their feet
from questions
once a dream is born

they remained
as fate meddled
not budging
harassing them

and stars kept
remembrance seeing
analyzing those
whose tears
were perhaps
just such assurance
as hardly enough responded

so they departed
their passion crushed
as chameleons cried

and music restored them pain



Bianca walked in on a conspiracy~
the kind of conspiracy 
that everyone assumed
was no more than mere theory
but they would be wrong
because this one 
had obviously grown up
beyond a doubt
previously hidden 
in smooth silk stockings
now strewn on the floor
having already bedazzled
the world with a knock-out 
beauty and grace
and the darkness she'd buried
deep beneath her surface
now lying naked and exposed



Beautiful blossoms blow amid gusts
With innocence found within childhood lust
Resurfaced in moments of involuntary trust

Sweetly intoxicating memories bring her
Shredded blossoms in delicate fingers
Dripping sticky; ambrosia scent lingers

Drinking deep of love's lost flavors
On dripping stems, sweet syrup savored
Her floral fantasies never wavered

Sweet nectar pulled from fragile flowers
Soaking life in warm spring showers
Heaven's scent in earthly powers


Natural Forces

I wish I understood
how gravity works
I just know I'm drawn
by this intangible work

No matter how hard I push
at this equal, opposite pull
I'd float away on my own
without its imminent pull

The strength of this force
Brings me back to earth
The fragile connection keeps me
Tethered to the earth

I trip and fall or leap feet first
Faltering on my own here
But something about gravity
Always pulls me back here


Some Days I Scare Myself...


I learn a lot for television, movies, and music.  Or more accurately stated, I see myself in HD clarity sometimes while watching or listening.  I joke with friends that my iPod is smarter than I am, and knows exactly what I need to hear sometimes when I hit the shuffle.  

So, hubby and I were watching House.  We're a few weeks behind on most of our regular shows we follow (actually up to a month or so on some)  -- praise GOD for the DVR and Hulu!  Recently, Dr. House has been seeing Amber (AKA Cut-Throat B), the late girlfriend of his "best friend" whom he was indirectly responsible for killing last season.  Before this past week's episode, hubby and I were discussing what Amber represents (yeah, we're geeks like that... we love to deconstruct our shows and rip them to itty-bitty pieces).  

Now, if you've seen the most recent episode, you'll know that my theory wasn't right, but here's where I see myself in the "world" around me.  Because I projected that she was the personification of a psychotic break for him.  She is the part of his subconscious with all the answers, with all the clarity -- but also the part that was the most vindictive or selfish.  

As a depressed, bipolar individual, I see the reality of the manic and/or depressive spin (it works both ways for me when I hit either extreme): It's the paradox of feeling utterly out of control, but seeing yourself with complete clarity.  It's the moments when I feel the most like I'm spinning wildly that I tend to see the world in technicolor.  When I know the answers.  But it's also the time when I scare myself the most with my ability to destroy everything I know with just one or two simple actions or reactions.

The problem is that as a creative person, I need that clarity to create.  Ironically, House's solution was a need to detox from his drug addiction.  For me, there may be drugs that will help me regain control, but do I want that?  If I regain control, I lose creativity and clarity.  Of course, the alternative may just be losing everything and everyone I love.




clouds collude
as solemnity

lovely lips 


 in wanton 

softly she sighs
      in the passion 
of the rain

Baby Steps

feet shuffle
hands grasp
at nothing
at anything

she falls

freedom desires
yearning to roam
just one step

she bleeds

by only herself
her own
despite herself

she walks


Sandcastle in the Tides

Eternally sculpted intricate design
Crafted in care and then fallen in brine
Slowly draining away

This beautiful caricature
Facade of structure
A fortitude of grace

Against the tides
And changing times
Erodes beneath the waves

Fragile it stands
Against demands
Of ever shifting space

As undertow
pulls it to