I've been struggling a lot lately. There are a lot of things I'm struggling with that I can't put here in this blog, because regardless of how transparency doesn't bother me in the slightest, I've come to realize that guarding others in my life and their privacy is more important than my own. I can do a lot for other people that far surpass what I can do for me. And I suppose this is the strength that I have to cling to right now.

Before I go on, if you think this blog is about you and you're a part of my life, it most likely is. It seems that most of my closest friends right now are dealing with similar issues of inadequacy and general dissatisfaction with their place in life. But this is more about me, because I'm simply THAT narcissistic (and yeah, I'll wait until you're done chuckling at the obvious irony of a narcissistic individual having self-esteem issues... Are you done now?).

Here it is... I'm filled with an intense sadness at the lack of perceived beauty. We live our lives in constant struggle rather than allowing ourselves to just... BE. Beauty surrounds us in nature, in relationships, even in something or someone entirely foreign to us. And that is just the beginning. But we're far too busy being insanely busy or just insanely caught up in the unimportant stuff to notice.

And our insanity leads us to feeling short-circuited and like we've failed at achieving anything of import in our lives. And when we feel like this, our esteem tanks. Our confidence tanks. Our ability to know and express our real desires and needs tanks. We become complete strangers to ourselves.

So I'm mourning the loss of the person I knew and understood. As well as a lot of other losses these days. But it's nice to know I'm not alone in it. I've got great company.

1 comment:

BornToTravel said...

Thanks for sharing. Have you been looking in my heart lately?