Fire and Ice

Today's been an up and down day.  Most of my days are, of course, but today was particularly so.  I'm exhausted:

• Physically ~ My baby girl is fighting a fever which means none of us are sleeping well, again...
• Emotionally ~ I'm dealing with a lot of internal stuff lately and how I feel about myself and the world around me.  This is taxing, feeling like I'm always going back and forth on everything.
• Mentally ~ I've been reading from a lot of sources and talking to a lot of people.  My mind is full of ideas and it's hard to sort them all out.
• Spiritually ~ A lot of what I'm focusing on lately is a complete overhaul of everything I ever thought I knew or understood about God and the created world.

All in all... this combination leaves me with little energy to focus on much really.  It leaves me highly introspective and really self-absorbed.  And I'm grateful for those around me that let me take the time I need to do this.

Tonight was the fire and ice festival downtown.  Ice sculptures and bonfires scattered throughout the downtown area.  Shops open later than usual... and people, people, people.  Its amazing to me how one can feel alone in a sea of people...

I watched a glass bead maker for a little while... amazed at how delicate the process can be.  A difference of only a degree or two can literally make or break a bead.  Extreme heat is necessary to mold and shape the glass, and the skill takes years to perfect.

I'm in the fire right now.  I feel it.  And right now, I feel about as fragile and delicate as one of those beads.  Too hot, I'll burn and melt those around me.  Too cold, I'll crack right in two.

It's better than being a sculpted piece of ice though.  Both are beautiful and finely detailed.  If I make it through this process though, I'll be able to withstand the changes in temperature and last, rather than just melting away to nothing over time.

I don't know what all this means; it's just something I'm pondering.  I'm sure it'll add to the exhaustion as everything seems to, but for now, it's what I'm pondering.