True Friends

   (for my BFF)

The smile that captured me

and the easy laughter we shared

while creating wispy worlds

and planning pandemonium

or crafting chaos over coffee

being

   free

We've lost those days

to grown up worries

and family concerns

-- the balancing act

of being both lovers 

and parents at once

lost sometimes 

from one another

in our own worlds of 

   pain

I love you still

and I'm always here

I carry you in my heart

Your pain is mine

even when we're 

   apart

I only wish I knew

what words to say

or what to do

and for not being there

when you need me

I'm 

   sorry

Liquid Rainbows

deep purple twilight

swirls in drops

of minted chocolate

childhood innocence

lost tonight as colors fade

from creamy butter yellow

and blood cherry-red

to shades of infinite grey

making love to

the scarlet russian

chased to bed by

scottish gold

waking in the arms

of the dark black columbian

and basking in the glow

of iced white honey

Incarnation

Supremely divine

Perfectly misunderstood

Descended from Love 

unhindered by contracts

unbound by human restraints

unfettered by laws needed to protect

Dangerous

Daring

Breaking the rules

Waiting in silence

Biding time

Seeking the garden

Before the tree

Where love was fractured

Introduced

to jealousy

to lust

to chaos

Can we find love

in a way that will matter?

far beyond standards 

introduced by the fruit

followed by legalism

layered  by expectations

can love be incarnate

exist with question

resist definition

Love in a box

is not love at all

Love is incarnate

simply pure

a sacrificing of oneself

the feeling, touching, holding arms

of a passionate God

Love is incarnate

protectively bold

a creation of another

the conception of more

than our human minds conceive

Hand-Me-Down

There's something sweet

in the simple gift

of the moss green 

long sweater

worn for a while 

by a friend of a friend

someone I hardly know

and yet...

This sweater holds

the memories of her

and the cares she held

as it held her

in those moments

Now it holds me

with long soft arms

warm and gentle

clinging to me

with comforting favor

Casting stark silhouette

to hug where I need it

left free when I don't

and it holds me together

when I come undone

Overwhelmed

slowly

it 

    begins

dripping

        randomly

with hints 

           of grace

it builds 

to moments 

where clouds burst

and rushing commences

suddenly

the downpour

makes seeing beyond

my newly drenched self

utterly and solely impossible

the deluge breaks

and I'm swept away

beyond my ability to stop

lost in the waves of the whirling

riding in rapids I cannot navigate

never alone but constantly surrounded

by overwhelming crashing eddies

consuming my capabilities

drowning all desire

to escape this

intensity of

love 

Personal Bartender

   (for my big brother, Rob)

Gentle voice commands

the order exact

eyes twinkling

lips curled in boyish smile

His strength takes

whatever I dish

as crying I pelt him

with fists too weak

My face rains

as his touch so gentle

pushes back my hair

and wipes the drops away

My voice trips itself

in its rush to explain

but he offers a hand

to assure I'm okay

he'll share a drink

or the experience I need

but he mostly just listens

and in silence, holds me

Perfect

I try

        too hard

to hold perfection

grasping so tightly

my fingers bleed

white from pressure

ever weakened

slipping slowly

falling from me

expectations elusive...

pressing back

        trying to regain

that which I feel I've lost

though...

it's mostly just control

despite the truth I know

that perfection is right here

Nimbus

It starts with
  a spark
  a smolder
  a circus under her skin

It grows to
  a flicker
  a fall-out
  a flower fractured in the wind

It floods deep
  a dawning
  a drama
  a daring hitch on a whim

It consumes her
  the nature
  the nuance
  the necessity of him

Death to the Muse

Words tumbel
loss in teh miss-spells

the write words
in right phrases

a comma, here,
a Capitol Their

here the word you want
swallow you're pride

someday you'll be a righter
butt for now my I and hart will bleed




"I'm almost finish with a novel I've been righting for three years now. I finished a hole chapter last night... One more chapter and its done. WAHOO!" (~an actual quote from a facebook friend... LOVE him, but no way am I going near that novel with a TEN-FOOT red pen!)

Images of God

(for Chesong, Alexander,
Lily, & Abigail,
the beautiful children
whose faces & names
are reflections of God)

From chocolate skin and coffee eyes
her mercy shines in grace
offering me smiles
and enthusiastic waves

His broken words, su corazón
exudes protective love
his friendship given freely
sensitivity is strength enough

Pale, blue eyes and platinum hair
lily skin exotically pure
sweetly innocent yet
but utterly self-assured

Beautiful eyes shaped like smiles
filled with laughter and joy
hidden under jet black hair
her tranquility undestroyed

Circle

Three to one and one to three
the circle's end neglects to be
Trapped in timeless silvery gleam
Multiple reasons for concentric rings
Signifies seemingly meaningless things
With trusted light in moonless beam
Waiting for stars under life's holy tree
As one, reaching for eternity

Date Night

skies lit with fire 

 as day descends

on patriotic duty 

 and domestic necessity

in zen-like state of melancholy

 deliberately manipulating

each item's place within

 somnambulatory sighs

the air smells of summer 

 while words tastes of coffee

as conflicting conversations turn 

 to soaring through the air

infant rodent lives are saved

 while giggling over medals

the day is done for both of them

 as night is yet to come

Five Word Farewell

broken...

   skin dripping red

   every cut bled

   clock ticking pain

   every second rains

this token...

   heart in flight

   of endless night

   a single scream

   of unlived dreams

spoken...

   arrogant crisis

   prayers to Isis

   weak in will

   prayers selfish still

this token...

   with every slice

   your anguish enticed

   hell circles nine

   your death becomes mine

broken...

   I don't have the cure

   the choice is yours

   you're never alone

   but my heart is done

Eschatology

   (contemplating the end)

reveling in the irrelevant

   revelation disregarded

eroding the end

   as escapist endeavor

pretending we're god, we garner paranoia

choosing confusion

   confounding the chaos

apocalyptic apologies

   and anarchist agendas

release today to timeless reality

future unfolding

   fearlessly flourishing

protecting our present

   purposefully preferring 

intuitive obscurity from obvious illusions

defining our death

   with destructive divorce

arrogance afforded

   among adolescence

chosen in rebellion by restless children

~Note~ 

We need to live today as an "ongoing enduring reality", and stop wasting time pining for the end of it all.  Make the most of the life you've been given.  Regardless of appearances, the kingdom of God CANNOT be stopped and is in true reality already here.  Live in this ultimate reality -- the future is NOW.  Be an "outpost of heaven", a foretaste of the true reality as God intended. (Thanks, Jo Ann, for the reminder.)

(John 4:23)

And just for fun: "...all we have is now; all we've ever had is now..." ~Flaming Lips 

(Carpe Diem!)

Absolute Abandon

   for my man and his baby

her eyes glow when he smiles

directly at her

she gasps at his voice

cheeks straining to beam

releasing giggles of glee

as she climbs on his lap

flinging herself back to laugh

knowing he'd never let her fall

she tosses arms around him

with ticklish abandon

fingers tangling in his hair

nuzzling her face in his chest

she knows his smell

the sound of his heart

his breath on her forehead

as she bestows on his chest

innocent kisses of complete adoration

for the rest of her life

every man's touch will

be held against this

forever compared to this utter devotion

the special place she holds in his heart

as she'll always be

her daddy's girl

Watching You Sleep

Your warmth surrounds me

   with each breath

   encircling me in you

As the rhythm follows

   peacefully

   in silence spooned with you

Eyes flutter delicately

   betraying to me your dreams

   happily secure, beautifully complete

The rise of your chest

   beneath my hand

   binds me to your side

Forever is long

   but still I'm here

   holding you while you sleep

Standing on His Head

   (for my Little Man who's grown too fast)

There's little more important

   than these microscopic blips

And teasing giddy giggles 

   from innocent lips

Bounces on my bed jolt me awake

   at ungodly early hours of morning

But the scene shifts to sneaking in

   from ungodly hours of exhausted folly

Frustrated by his two-wheel bike

   Desperately straining to balance

Makes me want to hide the car keys

   Desperately straining to stall him

Endless babbles shatter silence

   spilling his random thoughts

Certain someday, I'll beg him to talk

   spilling his passionate dreams 

Macaroni necklaces made

   for world's most beautiful mommy

traded for gold and diamond

   for the world's most beautiful hand

His beautiful boyish words arranged

   teasing me with jokes and rhymes

rearranged for her someday

   teasing her with sweet syllables

This time goes too fast 

   and I wish I could slow it

But for now, I have little choice 

   but to cherish every moment

Obligation

their love could follow moonstones

but hell existed always

in a world where souls hesitate

wiping their feet

from questions

once a dream is born

they remained

mortals

as fate meddled

not budging

harassing them

and stars kept

remembrance seeing

analyzing those

whose tears

were perhaps

just such assurance

as hardly enough responded

so they departed

their passion crushed

as chameleons cried

and music restored them pain

(for Word Play: Wednesday Writing Challenge @ Typescript)

Conspiracy

Bianca walked in on a conspiracy~

the kind of conspiracy 

that everyone assumed

was no more than mere theory

but they would be wrong

because this one 

had obviously grown up

beyond a doubt

previously hidden 

in smooth silk stockings

now strewn on the floor

having already bedazzled

the world with a knock-out 

beauty and grace

and the darkness she'd buried

deep beneath her surface

now lying naked and exposed

(for Word Play: Wednesday Writing Challenge @ Typescript)

Honeysuckle

Beautiful blossoms blow amid gusts

With innocence found within childhood lust

Resurfaced in moments of involuntary trust

Sweetly intoxicating memories bring her

Shredded blossoms in delicate fingers

Dripping sticky; ambrosia scent lingers

Drinking deep of love's lost flavors

On dripping stems, sweet syrup savored

Her floral fantasies never wavered

Sweet nectar pulled from fragile flowers

Soaking life in warm spring showers

Heaven's scent in earthly powers

Natural Forces

I wish I understood

how gravity works

I just know I'm drawn

by this intangible work

No matter how hard I push

at this equal, opposite pull

I'd float away on my own

without its imminent pull

The strength of this force

Brings me back to earth

The fragile connection keeps me

Tethered to the earth

I trip and fall or leap feet first

Faltering on my own here

But something about gravity

Always pulls me back here

Some Days I Scare Myself...

***SPOILER ALERT: CAUTION, THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE PAST COUPLE EPISODES OF HOUSE***

I learn a lot for television, movies, and music.  Or more accurately stated, I see myself in HD clarity sometimes while watching or listening.  I joke with friends that my iPod is smarter than I am, and knows exactly what I need to hear sometimes when I hit the shuffle.  

So, hubby and I were watching House.  We're a few weeks behind on most of our regular shows we follow (actually up to a month or so on some)  -- praise GOD for the DVR and Hulu!  Recently, Dr. House has been seeing Amber (AKA Cut-Throat B), the late girlfriend of his "best friend" whom he was indirectly responsible for killing last season.  Before this past week's episode, hubby and I were discussing what Amber represents (yeah, we're geeks like that... we love to deconstruct our shows and rip them to itty-bitty pieces).  

Now, if you've seen the most recent episode, you'll know that my theory wasn't right, but here's where I see myself in the "world" around me.  Because I projected that she was the personification of a psychotic break for him.  She is the part of his subconscious with all the answers, with all the clarity -- but also the part that was the most vindictive or selfish.  

As a depressed, bipolar individual, I see the reality of the manic and/or depressive spin (it works both ways for me when I hit either extreme): It's the paradox of feeling utterly out of control, but seeing yourself with complete clarity.  It's the moments when I feel the most like I'm spinning wildly that I tend to see the world in technicolor.  When I know the answers.  But it's also the time when I scare myself the most with my ability to destroy everything I know with just one or two simple actions or reactions.

The problem is that as a creative person, I need that clarity to create.  Ironically, House's solution was a need to detox from his drug addiction.  For me, there may be drugs that will help me regain control, but do I want that?  If I regain control, I lose creativity and clarity.  Of course, the alternative may just be losing everything and everyone I love.

KisSinGinTehRAiN

draining 

  desire

    droplets

  descend

as 

  liquid

      lusts 

    longs

clouds collude

as solemnity

      subsides

lovely lips 

      linger 

  alluring

shivering 

solicitous 

    soul

  tongue

tripping 

tingling

    tasting 

  sultry

    salted

   sweat

sweetly

 sought

willowy

  waves 

 in wanton 

whispers

     welcome

softly she sighs

   washed 

      in the passion 

of the rain

Baby Steps

hesitant

feet shuffle

unsteady

hands grasp

at nothing

at anything

stable

she falls

freedom desires

yearning to roam

beckon

just one step

closer

she bleeds

limited

by only herself

her own

insecurity

despite herself

she walks

Sandcastle in the Tides

Eternally sculpted intricate design

Crafted in care and then fallen in brine

Slowly draining away

This beautiful caricature

Facade of structure

A fortitude of grace

Against the tides

And changing times

Erodes beneath the waves

Fragile it stands

Against demands

Of ever shifting space

As undertow

pulls it to

fade...