Written on my Heart

Etched for time

  your name resides

Where it's always been

  deep inside

The life blood beats

  beneath your name

Every pulse

  your love contains

Nothing on earth

  could ever erase

the lovely word

  my heart embraced

Souls are tied

  in solemn vows

This one to yours

  as God allows

Grandfathers

This is a different sort of post today. If you pray, this is a request for you to carry me and my family in your heart.

I've never known my mother's father. He died in a farming accident when she was a teenager. So I never had a grandfather on her side of the family. I never really felt I was missing out though. I had my Paw-Paw on my dad's side of the family (at least until I lost him when I was in high school).

In addition, my mother's family is huge. She is the second youngest sibling and when we were little, we lived near her oldest sister, and because of many circumstances, she and her husband became much like grandparents to me.

So... Uncle Ken is the closest thing to a grandfather on my mom's side of the family. Have I ever told him this? I have no idea. Sometimes it's important to tell people these things, and sometimes it's important to just know it.

Anyway, I could ramble on for a while just tripping down memory lane, but the point is this: Uncle Ken is sick. He's been in the hospital for a couple weeks now.  They've gone back and forth about what's wrong with him and it seems they're not entirely sure.  He was doing better, then worse, then better... and now he's taken a turn for the worse. 

I don't know what's happening... but I know this:  I love him and it hurts.

Stagnant

It's burning inside

 like it does

 sometimes.  

An intense desire

 to write.  

Like there's something in there

 begging

 to be released,

 just waiting

 for my permission.  

I think I'd like to now.  

Release it.  

It seems

 painful

 to both me

 and to it

 to keep it

 stifled.  

Unfortunately,

 today,

 I'm not sure

 what it is.  

It

 doesn't want

 to write itself today;

 it's determined

 to make me

 do the tough

 work

 of pulling

 it forth

 on

 my

 own.

Sacred Silence

I talk too much

this much I know

which means

I usually forget

to listen

to the beauty 

of the silence

and knowing you're there

beside me

to hold me

to the words you speak

without a voice

the look

the touch

the yearning

to know you're with me

no matter where

you surround me here

You, whom I love

remind me sometimes

of the intoxication

of the sacred silence

between us

Cool in Love

You wanna know one of the coolest things that I love to see?  Love in action.  

Tell me you haven't watched an elderly couple walk down the street hand in hand, leaning on their walkers...  He's still old-fashioned enough to open a door for her and she's still old-fashioned enough to let him.  They sit in the nursing home together and just stare into one another's eyes because it's all they have energy left to do... but the stories in those glances could blow you away.  

I'm not naive enough to truly think that every couple that I see like this has been together their whole lives, and in today's society particularly, it's quite possible, that these two veteran lovers may even be on a first date.  But...  it's more fun for me to believe they're still together after all those years.

It was sad to me that at my sister-in-law's wedding last summer, the couple that had been married the longest were my mother & father-in-law.  They were celebrating their 35th anniversary and that's spectacular; I agree...  But I remember as a kid going to 50th, 60th, 70th anniversary parties -- and even a 75th!

I wanna be one of those... I want you all to be there for my 25th & 50th anniversary party.  And hopefully, you'll all still be around for my 75th (because I don't want to think about any of you being gone)!  

Hubby and I just celebrated year 10 last summer... and we're about to hit 11.  There are days I think we're lucky to have made it this far, but we have just enough of a sense of humor and enough commitment and love to make it.  I can already stare in his eyes and see a million stories... and I know there are millions more to come.

Oh, one more thing, falling in love... it's even more fun the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time or more with your love!

The Time Has Not Come...

The time has not come

for the House to be built

as we focus on our needs

to cover our guilt

We eat, drink, and squander

and spend more than we earn

and live in glass houses

to prove we don't learn

As if nothing  else matters

we mourn petty losses

although we've neglected

the exorbitant cost

For we've lost all the glory

the Love we once made

then remembered we need it

even though it's too late

But the Spirit remains

although we're not ready

but with shaking and chaos

in time we'll be steady

The blessing will come

birthed in time-tested hearts

when we consider foundations

we've been chosen to start

(inspired by Haggai)

Knowing You

the best part of knowing you

is the slow deep smile

that crosses my lips 

when I stop a minute

   from seeing your face

   from hearing your voice

knowing you hear

far more than I say

knowing you know

far more than I tell

   from companionable sighs

   from understanding eyes

knowing I'm special 

and important to you

elementary as that is

you're the best part

   from having you care

   from knowing you're there

Chocolate Mint Martini

Friendly banter

In echoes grant her

Familiar tunes

drifting under the moon

Buy a drink and then linger

Lick syrup from my fingers

Savor every last drop...

Nothing wasted, don't stop

Dancing souls ascend

In an intimate blend

A step beyond comfort

A step toward more effort

Clock strikes ten

Peaceful cloud descends

Stilled solace caresses

Lost in what's blessed

Loud laughter releases

As volume increases

If he'd get the joke

I'd share in your smoke

Sweet ending to day

Knowing life is okay

No need to define

Just knowing you're mine

Time

Seconds are minutes 

and hours and days 

  and weeks 

    and months 

      and years...

Without you interminable

Within you bliss

A day is a thousand years

A century a day

The months are racing

Days are dragging

Discovering lives past

Remembering those to come

Crossing paths 

in twisting time

The past becomes tomorrow

And to hold you here

to drift in time

a single moment waits

Fire Inside

Terrifying force 

embedded within

A holy fear contained

Desiring release

Destruction brings

deathly proof 

I'm still alive somehow

To burn and mark

Forever change

the world I know I love

Someday it will

consume my all

erupt and then devour

It's frightening

In the logical way

But arousal for my soul

For nothing will stand

That shouldn't be

And nothing will bend

That can't

Love is death

Death is love

Life is death and love

No words describe

this burning pain

in a longing flame

Which spreads 

to overtake and hold the world

There's no escape

and no release

from the fire in my soul

(Inspired by scripture and song)

Uncharted

Forgive me...

... my weakness

... my instability

... my need to know

... my insecurity

... my misunderstanding

... my need to run

... my curiosity

... my inappropriateness

... my uncertainty

... my vulnerability

... my invulnerability

Teach me

... how to rest in security in your arms

... how to know truth without needing answers

... how to love like you desire

... how to just be

Written in the Stars

I want to write

your name

in the stars

next to mine

For random travelers to see

Like the North Star

to ships of old

it will guide our souls

through all of time

So my future self and yours will meet

As love continues 

this eternal search

Halves to wholeness

cross and merge

Trinity

Dancing in love

Bowing in submission

Never narcissistic

(the embodiment of evil)

Knowing one is equal

To the others

Loving is giving

Never in self-gain

It's more than what we do

It's found in who we are

Dreaming of Daisies

On days like this

I could conquer the world

Seeing all of our lives enmeshed

Walking hand in hand in hand…

Awaiting a fantastic reality

   Lasting in love

   Trusting in truth

   Founded in faith

   Persisting in peace

   Journeying in joy

   Lingering in loyalty

The visions attainable

within my head

Just beyond grasp if I

   Reach farther

   Try harder

   Push deeper

   Live longer

Somehow we’ll make it

Seeing the end

As it was intended

Despite our

   Misfortune

   Stupidity

   Ignorance

   Duplicity

   Incompetence

Some days I just sit here

Showered in grace

Inspired by Trinity

Awaiting the birthing

Of all that remains

   Lost within

   Trapped alone

   Forgotten unlearned

Someday we’ll live here

But today is for

   Visiting

   Glimpsing

   Seeing

What is yet to be held

Of the garden

   That was

   That is

   That will be to come

barefoot

sun-kissed toes 

in glittering gloss

dancing with daffodils

massaged by the moss

slapping hot pavement 

with calloused soles

tickling the tendrils

in green grassy knolls

a celebration of summer

before end of spring

a small glimpse of freedom

just one step will bring

30 Pieces of Silver

My heart is shattered

Tiny silver slivers

A piece for you

A piece from me

And then to give to someone new

Giving them back to me is useless

They are tiny little shards

And they cut too deep

The intent was for you to keep

It anyway...

So these minute missives

In tarnished grey

Scattered with lost love

Spelled out your name

Broken on the ground

Beneath your swaying form

The Curtain Descends

  (for the Calypso Stage)

I can't watch anymore but I'm always here

it's just... seeing you cuts my heart

The play continues for all of you

But I have lost my part

"Come talk to us," you taunt afar

But words I give

   ...unscripted and true

You turn to knives

Twisted under my skin

It was never that I ceased to speak

I countered every line...

It was more the staging that I missed

And usually said too much

I trusted you and called you friends

And this is where it ends.

I wanted 

   to know you

   to love you

   to be you

But I've reread the script 

   and taken my cue

Seen the plot resolved

I'm still back here

   alone in the wings

Awaiting your grand entrance

But I guard myself...

   my love...

   my words...

I took a part not meant for me

Your applause 

   was shallow 

      at best

So I gave you your show

Spent my time in the lights

I'll leave the encore to you...

I make my bow, and sweep the house

And finally leave the stage.

Maybe

Maybe it's the old sweatshirt

 worn and ripped

 pulled from closet depths

 on laundry day

 when nothing's clean

Maybe it's the ponytail

 pulling my hair up

 off of my neck

Maybe it's the bag

 tossed over my shoulder

 filled with pens and papers

 and the pieces of my life

Maybe it's the fresh-cut grass

 that fills the air with promise

 heading into eventful evenings

Maybe it's the semi-chill

 of early spring's embrace

 the no longer cold

 but not yet warmth

 budding in the air

Maybe it's the light

 with which you see me

 and hold me by your side

 making me feel this way again

 so young, so carefree, in love.

Morning Vigil (Escaping the Darkness)

In the early morning hours

before the sun awakes

before dew lifts

as dawn ascends

comes the call...

"Love..."

My heart skips a beat

Is that really you?

I'd assumed I'd be alone

in early darkness...

"Love..."

It echoes in my empty soul

Chasing the chills inside

Breath escapes my lips

from night's captivity

at the sound of your voice...

"Love..."

Could there be a more beautiful name?

Could there be a sweeter word?

In near disbelief,

my voice falters

but your eyes beckon

pleading that I come to you...

"Love..."

Reflecting the light I see in your eyes

This joyous discovery engulfs me

This unexpected torrent of hope

I fall in your arms and whisper reply...

"Yes, Love?"

Waking

Grasping at dreams, I grumble and groan

As daylight smacks my eyelids

I long to linger in lazy allure

I feel you move beside me

as you warm my ear with breath

Your fingertips and lips tease

Through fading flannel fabric

Surrendering sighs submit

to waking in your arms

Ripped from rest to reality

With promises of passion

To make it worth my while

Aborted

They told her she's lucky

To thank God; she's blessed

  But she's lonely and scared

  Not a single soul cares

She's on her own now

But no one would guess

She won't be like her

That vow she'll keep

  This life now inside

  Wanting to hide

Many nights wishing

She'd die in her sleep

The years of the fighting

Were better than this

  The curses and screams

  Meant more than it seemed

For long before apathy

Pained anger was bliss

Caught in this cycle

Of neglected torment

  Head in her hands

  She can't understand

This choice of a "life"

Better left unspent

She swears to do better

Choosing what it means

  Her name is called

  So she travels the hall

Her choice is solid

She'll silence her screams

I Wanna...

I wanna live the stuff of dreams

The dance of sweet romance

I wanna feel electric currents

The popping embers in soul's trance

I wanna see you across a crowded room

The spark of intrigue lighting your eyes

I wanna know I'm your obsession

The reason you can't sleep at night

I wanna be your muse

The passion of your art

I wanna forget reality for a little while

And rest beside your heart

I wanna go somewhere far from here

And fall in love again

The Point

   (for Eb ~ who is beautiful)

She looks at me with tears in dark eyes

Thinking I can't see her heart

I can.

She wants to go

From pointless life

She thinks there's nothing here

There is.

     It's this:

       Be innocent ~ a child in Daddy's lap

       Be art ~ images of Grace and Mercy

       Be incarnate ~ representation of Love and Beauty

       Be creative ~ painter of Glory and Awe

       Be observant ~ a student of Life

       Be fulfilled ~ the lover of Christ

She fights the "impossible"

And she's tired of the struggle

She doesn't know how

To be all of those things

It's simple.

Just BE the beautiful woman you were created to be.

You are. 

Surrounded by Clouds

Voices echo...

   ... through time and space

   ... across miles and years

   ... over eternity

Eyes observe...

   ... the things I consider but never follow through

   ... the expressions I make when no one is watching

   ... the pages I write for no one to read

Ears listen...

   ... to thoughts unspoken

   ... to songs unsung

   ... to muffled cries

   ... to stifled laughs

Arms encircle...

   ... protecting

   ... soothing

   ... helping

Witnesses...

   ... of the inner me

Being

Stop...

Breathe...

Be...

Sit...

Know...

Feel...

Take a second.

   ...searching

   ...deeply

   ...here

   ...still

   ...yourself,

   ...Love

Somebody

Some days I feel 

   like 

Nobody

Like nothing I say

     or do 

         will matter

(I think it's my biggest fear)

That when I'm gone

     And this life is over

I'll fade 

               to oblivion

Where nothing matters

And no one really cares

Or even remembers me

Or notices I'm gone

With no lasting changes

I'm not afraid to die

I just want to be 

   remembered

I just wanna be 

     Somebody

Missing

Days skew as eternity ensues

Time and distance brutal

Wearing and weathering

Slowly forgetting...

Is it just me?  Where are you?

My mind spins as chaos begins

Thoughts and fears tyrannical 

Sighing and slipping

Tirelessly dwelling...

I think I'll be ok; will you?