It's like this: I either love you or I hate you. I'll tell you everything about anything, or nothing at all. I'm either obsessed with something or bored with it. I either feel like super mom, or like social services should come for my children. I either feel like the most loved, most cherished, most confident, most beautiful woman alive, or I feel like a worthless nothing that no one would ever want to be around. Welcome to the fantastic roller coaster that is me.
So, I'm trying to learn to live in the space between.
The thing is, I don't think I'm alone in this. I think, in fact, that there are millions of "extreme" people all around me. The question is what to do with us.
There is the world around me as it is: broken, miserable, dirty, chaotic, and lost. There is the world that God intended it to be: whole, exuberant, pure, beautiful, and purpose-filled. And then there is me, waffling in the middle, being pulled by both sides, by the desire to touch and connect with those who live in such desperate need of true contact with something real and honest.
And it's hard not to be swayed... to be pulled into the despair and hopelessness.
It's also hard not to be swayed to ignore it all, to live with my head in the clouds, knowing that "God has something better than this"... I don't want to live in a place of irrelevance to those around me either.
So, I swing back and forth, knowing that I've been given this "burden" of desire for a reason. Knowing I'm not alone in this need to live in the in-between places. And I'm not alone in my struggle for the "middle ground."