Bring It...

I'm reading a lot of blog entries of friends regarding the new year.  I even posted one myself yesterday, since I had this moment of nostalgia and ... whatever it is.  Some people are incredibly hopeful with the "new beginning" and are busy making goals, resolutions, etc.  Other are intensely cynical about all the hooplah and "pretense" of new starts and the "artificial" deadlines that surround our plans and goals when we rely on the "new year" as the only time we set goals.  I find myself falling somewhere in the middle actually.

While I don't want to use January as the only time I do this, I find nothing wrong with the concept of evaluating one's self at the new year, with setting goals for the next year (although I balk at calling them resolutions -- because that feels like setting yourself up to fail).  It's good to be in constant mind of where you're headed, or you become in danger of making a wrong turn and finding yourself pretty hopelessly lost -- much like I did last year.

We found ourselves at hanging out with a few very close friends on New Year's Eve this year.  The topic for discussion for a large part of the evening was, "What was your high and your low from this past year?"  My ultimate low (and indirectly my high as well) was the fact that I got lost this past year.  It ended up rocking the foundations of my life in ways I had no idea were going to happen a year ago.  I found myself having totally rearranged my life in the past year.  

The negatives (the lows) to that were the toll this all took on my marriage and family, and even on some of my friendships over the past 12 months.  I was so busy being caught up in my self and what I needed that I missed the fact that I was failing everyone around me, including my employer... resulting in a change of occupation as well this year.

The positives (the highs) in this come down to the realization of what amazing friends and family I have, not the least of which is my incredible husband.  I'm finding myself and I'm rediscovering him too.  I'm learning who I can depend on to be there for me -- no matter how often I fail them.  We finalized the adoption of our daughter this past year, which was a definite high as well, but even more than that for me is the falling in love with my hubby that is happening all over again.  I'm rediscovering myself, my inner poet/romantic/writer, and I've written more this year than I had since college.

Frankly, I never wanna repeat 2008.  It was a dark valley in the overall picture of my life.  There were distinct moments of sunshine, of course, but I found a few paths in that valley that I wasted a lot of time on since they were leading to nowhere.  2009 is a year of promise... a year for restoration, regrowth, and reconciliation for me.  There are relationships that need to be re-established and/or redefined, and it's a long road, but at least this one has an ultimate destination worth pursuing.

The pain and passion that I'm sure 2009 holds for me... I'm ready.  It's never easy, but I'm ready.  Bring it on.


Jason Kichline said...

I agree that our life requires evaluation from time to time. I'm not disagreeing there. I think there is some good at being prompted to change an aspect of your life. But I'm also willing to bet that only a small percentage of people actually follow though with that change through March. I know countless people who said they are going to diet or exercise or the like, and wind up right back where they were, except this time slightly worse. Why? Because they slowly callous over their hope for change. How many failed attempts at change are required to completely demoralize? Is this annual roller coaster the way to live a life, or a lie?

So while I'm sounding somewhat cynical in a poem I wrote, what I mean to convey is that real change does happen, but that it is sparked by something bigger than just an incrementing of the year. If we live our lives in an annual cycle of resolution, I don't think that's healthy... but finding true change and direction that comes from God is another thing altogether.

As for me, I think this is more of a process that has been occurring over the past 6 months or so. I wish it would be going a little faster, but I do know that I'm being changed into a new creation. We must remember that it is hard for us to clean our own heart, but that God is required... and that we must press in and not expect change to happen overnight. (Psalm 51:10)

So, I don't mean to discredit an annual reevaluation of our lives. In fact, we should probably seek that evaluation and introspection more often so that we can continue this journey on becoming perfected. I'm definitely happy to see where God has taken you this year and pray that change continues!

Vicky B said...

I'm glad you are finding yourself and that it's leading to good things. I am hopeful that the coming year is full of love, light, laughter and better times.